It's not just me

It seems that everyone has moments where they are dramatic. I'm sure we don't intend to, we just say dramatic things we kind of mean but would never act on. I, for example, can't think of a single friend who hasn't at some point talked about suicide. Maybe that's just my friends.

But we're young, and we think we're immortal.

Those who aren't a bit raw at times don't understand me quite as well. We can't be happy all the time, just like we can't be unhappy all the time. We lose the definition of joy.

One person who is a real fighter is my friend N. She's amazing, she never complains about anything without easing it up with a laugh. Her life can't be much easier than mine. People like that almost make me feel like I was just faking the whole thing all along and should suck it up like everyone else does. But I admire her for it, I just hope she doesn't push stuff down.

I've been unhappy lately, I have. I know confidence is supposed to be sexy but personally I think honest weakness is to be preferred over fake confidence. I don't know what to say when people ask. I don't want to lie but I don't know how to explain. So for them I'm just tired. Maybe I really am just tired.

x

/E