Lonely

"A dream you dream alone is a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."

Sometimes I feel so insanely alone.

And it's not because I don't have people around me. It's not because I don't know that my friends love me and I can always rely on them. I don't even really know why. I guess it's because for the first time in a long time I realize how it felt to have someone who you meant more to than the rest of the world. It's scary to be that close to someone. It's scary when they're gone. So empty... and so alone.

I really should stop missing R. There are days when I don't, I mean, it's not like I stay in my room and sob all the time, and it's not like I don't take interest in other boys. But everyone seems to just kind of drift in and out of my life without any major importance to me, and in the end, it's R I'm missing. Well, I miss him the way we were a year ago. I don't think it could be like that again.

The truth is, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And I understand him.

People tend to ask what it was I saw in him. Well, beside from the fact that he's damn cute (although he insist now on cutting his beautiful hair off), I guess I fell for the way he was so... in love with me. Like I was the most important thing in the world. I've never actively been that to anyone before, and I liked living up to that.

I got a sweater from him, I tried to return it but he said it's too small for him anyways... It hangs in my closet as a kind of proof that he existed.

I hope he'll agree to meeting up again before he takes off and disappears what could be forever. Dramatic, I know.

Yeah, I really do seem like a desperate ex gf right now.

Just one of those moments.

x

/E