Feel a need to comment

Third post today, I know. But I feel that I need to get involved in other peoples business yet again, even though I said Id leave this subject.

When people are together and keep it secret, there are two reasons behind it.

1. One of them is ashamed of the other

2. One of them wants a sure fuck but still the possibility to hit on other people/stay available for a shot with someone else

The whole "people talk"-thing is not an excuse. Well it is, but its a sucky one. Yes, people will talk, either way. Or maybe they wont. People get together, break up, whatever, no one whos not involved really cares. But when it was me and R getting together, it felt like the whole fucking school was gossiping about just exactly that. Okay, I get it, a swedish(that sais it all) 1st grader with a 3rd grader who (sorry) no one really expected anything drastic from? Can you say rumor bomb... but if you really like someone, it's worth it. Ive done that thing too, where you keep it secret until you know if it works out, but those arrangements never did work out.

I think, personally, I prefer taking chances in the beginning. Draw attention to me if I must - but then, I always was an attention whore - Im full on, 100%, let it crash and burn if it doesnt turn out well.

I miss R.
I know this may fuck up my chances with like every other boy Im seing, but...
Sometimes I feel like we really did belong together. Like if he told me he'd have me back Id be his in the blink of an eye and this time Id be his forever. Like, the whole fucking lets get married and have kids and a dog kind of forever. But Im too proud to tell him that. And sometimes I dont trust myself to treat him well.

x
/E