I love you, coward

"I couldn't, it hurt too much"

How can someone so special and amazing who means so much to me mean so little to herself?

I almost started crying when I read her text in spanish... and then my phone got confiscated. Yay teacher.

Me and L weren't getting along so well before... because her bf doesn't like me. And she thinks it's funny. I mean, when I got with R he didn't like one of my friends, and I almost broke up with him for it.

I've been reading my old blog to find the place where I scolded him for that publicly, and I found more mean things I wrote to him:

27/5-2009

Things I would have normally waved off become a big deal, like when my boyfriend critizises my shoes. Excuse me, I wear whatever the fuck I want, and if you think I should be more like other girls maybe you should have fallen for an other girl. I hate goddamn converse, I can't walk like a girl in them. And yes, I am calling you gay, between the lines. Joke. I love you, but make it up to me.

Yeah. I love going through my old blog. There is so much smart shit I forgot I even used to think. And so much love for him.

And the occasional poem. I know poems are lame but I like some of mine old ones. Some were more like a kind of rap, like this one

You're nothing but a trophy
it's shallow and it's vain
but I guess what's on the surface
can't cause you any pain

You're nothing but a pretty thing
a thing they have to earn
but one day they will find new game
and you will crash and burn

You're young and stupid and inlove
nothing you will admit
but you're in way over your head
at least a little bit

You're not afraid of what is dark
of what's unknown and new
but days will come when what you fear
will haunt you and come true

You're not learning from your mistakes
when none have yet been made
but love as what you think you know
believe me, it will fade

Maybe I should take my own advice huh?

x

/E