So Im back in swizzyland =) Going to school soon but I don't know when we start, may call someone.
Don't you just love it when people lie to your face? You already know the truth but you ask them because you want to hear it from them, and they deny everything. Amazing. Unfortunately I never have the balls to actually confront them, I just go like "Oh, no? Okay, well I thought so but alright..."
I got a new green skirt than I'm wearing today, and I don't even look completely fat in it =) Tonight at midnight it's been a week since I've been eating and keeping it down. After 2 months I count as recovered. I think I'll be okay now, the first week is always the hardest... I just feel like things are gonna work out, even if it's all shit.
I'm gonna stop playing with these little boys. I mean sure, they may be as old as me, but they're kids to me. Sure it's fun to sit by the rhine and get drunk with a bunch of friends, but that can't be all there is. I miss my grown up real world. Even though I'm bored to death mingling drinking champagne (real champagne, not fizzy wine;)) I need that sometimes.
I'd love a new context, new people I can associate with sometimes who are a bit more like me. Don't worry guys, I love you all so much and there's nothing wrong with you. I just sometimes long for what could have been, somewhere else.
Regardless, life is meaningless. But nothing is not better than something meaningless. All we ever really do is kill time together.
x
/E
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