It's not me, it's you

"The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted trust"

The other night when I was out with some friends I completely freaked out at L. She wouldn't stop convincing me that I'm not doing well. And it's like yeah, it wasn't a good day and I am a little fucked up in my head, and I guess it's sweet of her to care, but she's starting to sound like a tape recorder. It's the same words and phrases over and over, and when I actually do feel good for a while she manages to pick something up that makes me feel bad, and I get the feeling she does that so that she con comfort me and by doing that feel better about herself. Not consciously obviously.

So well yesterday night I was meeting up with her and some other people, and we decided to go down to the rhine because there were too many people at imagine or something, I don't know really but either way L and another girl went to get their bikes and so we waited for them, after a while we started calling them but of course they didn't pick up, and after ages we got a text like "we went to watch d band".

Its like seriously, whattafuck. Thanx for letting us kno. Feel real included and appreciated.

So I went to the rhine with Sascha and another friend of his and we had fun actually. Sascha has always been awesome and his friend was cool too. So yeah. Wasn't so bad.

Before that I'd been at the coming back party of a boy who was in my class last year but spent a year in america. It was nice to see my old class, but my only close friends there were E and K (of course L bailed last minute. Not that anyone really asked for her...). Shame C couldn't be there though. Aaanyways, it was cool, we hung out at his amazing house, and some of the boys even went swimming. Personally I decided to refrain, though I did take some pics of them bathing. I may post it later if I have their permission. And for the record... the boy who hosted the party? He's kinda cute. I don't know. Another one of those people I'd like to get to know but probably won't really dare talk to ^^

But back to L. It's like, she means well, but think a little. What if I were to talk to her like "It doesn't matter what other people say, I think you're pretty. I mean, what do they know, they don't even know you, where do they get off just rating how you look, they have no right to do that. You have so many people who think you're wonderful, you don't need to feel bad about your appearance". She probably wouldn't have thought anything of it before, but now she's wondering who has been calling her ugly etc. Who feels good after a rant like that? Seriously. It's like an insult hidden in a compliment.

x

/E