Thinking about it

"I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up."

We all have two parts of us: the rational part and the emotional part. When it comes to some decisions, they will be pulling in different directions. It's usually the emotional part that screams yes while the rational part screams no. I'd like to say a life led by the emotional part causes a lot of downs, but also a lot of peaks, whereas more rational personalities live a steady life with no particular ups or downs.

You'd think that it was wiser, that it'd make you a better person if you go with the rational voice. But it doesn't really matter which side you go with because sooner or later, the other side will come around. Like, you say no, you turn the other way, think of something else, and your feelings will turn to content sooner or later. If you do for it, do what you wanted to at the moment, you may crash and burn but you may also become so indescribably happy and either way reason will agree that at least you tried and you won't regret it as much. What sounds better?

Go for it goddamn it. Don't think about the risks or the possible pain because I'm hurting so much right now without you and it can't be worse, even if we do split after a time again yes it will hurt and maybe it even will be worse than now, but it'll be worth it because I got to have you for a little while.

You say you'll think about it, that you have been thinking about it, and I know what that means: that means reason. But maybe if I'm lucky you'll realize that you can't stop thinking about me either, that forever didn't end because now I came back begging for you, that it's not weak to give in to what you want, that you want to be with me again. Because I know you do.

I will always love you R.

x

/E