lördag 25 juni 2011

Blue

"There's blood on my hands. It's not yours, it's not someone elses: It's mine, all mine."

Saw my new phsycotwat today. Fs word, and I use it, even though I actually liked this one. First session and I cried, kind of depressing. She said it looked like I was holding in a lot of emotion, and I started bawling.
She said she can tell I'm suffering and started talking about supplements. Making appointments with a million doctors again, checking everything you can check to make sure my body is somewhat ok, but at least she seems to know what she's talking about. My current attitude is leaning towards pumping me full of drugs and tying me to my bed so I can't do anything self-destructive.
And she already kind of scraped the problem... I'm alone. All the time. No matter how many people are friends with me or taking care of me, I can't kill the feeling. I'm on my own. Left over. Left behind. Unwanted.

I'm seeing a friend tonight and that'll be fun. We have a lot to catch up on. Guess I'll hear all about life in Paris and how Basel isn't worth living in... but I don't mind. In fact, I'm looking forwards to it.

x
/E

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