My legs are dangling off the edge

"When you were young and never thought you'd die

found out you could but too scared to try

looked in the mirror and you said goodbye

climbed to the roof to see if you could fly

so if I survive then I'll see you tomorrow."

Today started out being a shitty day. I went home and ate lunch, ate some nuts, felt like shit but then dragged my fat ass to school anyways and I'm happy I did. Not because ToK was particularly giving but because afterwards I went to tennis and then to the gym and somewhere in between I realized that.. nothing I do matters. I wrote about this before and how it gives me hope in a strange way. Everything is irrelevant and nothing we ever do will make a difference in a larger sense.

To do:

-CAS update

-Write to my phsycotwat

-Look over my notes sometime before the essay tomorrow

-Study french

-Study spanish

-Meet up with my physics tutor because I think we have a test coming up

-Live life.

I make sure never to forget that last point in my to do list. Somehow I keep feeling guilty about doing stuff I like so if I add it to the list it was part of the plan hence less anxiety.

Living my life currently includes going to the gym at least 3 times a week-that is to say, finding time to do so, motivation is already there times a thousand, going out with friends, grooming; eyebrows, skin, nails, feet. Things I like doing that aren't too self-destructive.

Then of course, the somewhat bad girl things I enjoy engaging in. But more about that later ;)

x

/E