Because being sad is too mainstream

No but seriously, why can't I even be sad like a normal person?

Something tragic happens->being sad about it->crying or whatever->getting on with life.

With me it's more like

Ignoring the sadness of the situation->pretending I'm fine->believing I'm fine->looming around for days/weeks/months->realizing I'm probably not fine->wondering if I'll ever be.

It's not like I have any pride issue, I don't understand why I can't just take the sadness and know it'll get better later, instead of pushing it down hence spreading it out into a vague sadness that lasts much longer.

Maybe it's like a tank of negative emotion, and either you take all of it at once or you spread it out into smaller doses of sadness that last longer.

Or maybe I'm just so used to numbing myself to pain that I do it to positive emotion as well, I don't want to be happy because the higher you rise the harder the fall.

I don't know. I don't care. I just miss D. And if I could chose I'd just lay in my bed and do nothing all day.

x

/E