Recovery?

I've kind of been realizing lately that it's really strange for me to be "out" as a bulimic and not be in any form of treatment.

I guess my values are okay but that could change quickly...

I have the feeling most people in my situation should be under strict surveillance. I get left at home alone for hours each day and I sometimes even throw up when I'm not alone at home.

It's like, it's this thing we live with and accept. As if the roof fell down and we now just kind of walk around with umbrellas.

I have an appointment at an ED clinic in about 2 weeks.

I hate going there. Everyone is so skinny and once I saw a wagon of food boxes, the food was.. so much.

Why do I eat so little and am so fat?

Why can't I eat like a normal person, look like a normal person, feel like a normal person... define normal.

Maybe it's normal that I only feel happy when I'm empty.

Define happy.

Maybe the phsychiatrist will give me pills. She talked about it last time.

They'll make me fat but maybe I won't care anymore. Make the monsters go away.

But what would be left?

x

/E