I've been listening to Pain by Three Days Grace, and honestly I find the lyrics idiotic.
Popular belief seems to be that self harm etc. is to break through not feeling anything because feeling pain is better than nothing. It's the complete fucking opposite. Feeling nothing is bliss, compared to what people who really do get it live through.
I've read about the pain, anxiety being like something scratching to get out of your chest.
To me it's more like something running up and down my veins, little bugs tickling the inside of my stomach and the unstable feeling as if you were falling, like nothing is stable, despite the immense pressure to do everything at the same time.
Anything is better than that. Physical pain, sex, alcohol, food, vomiting... it makes it go away. And then I feel nothing.
I want more than that.
"Do you ever feel like you don't want to do this anymore?" Yes. All the time. When I heard him ask that question it made me warm inside because it's exactly how I feel, but I wasn't gonna say that in front of all those people.
x
/E
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