Sparse

I think you've noticed that I don't hold back on criticism. Honestly crossing over to arrogance is one of my trademarks.

What do I hold back with though, regrettably, is compliments. I can always agree on something positive, but I wouldn't have brought it up myself. Like, just now, in the kitchen, I thought that my mother really is doing great, with me and with the whole "family" situation. I just couldn't put it into words.

For those of you who think I'm not justified with my mean comments about other people, note the following:

Yes, I think mean thoughts about people, but it's because I have moments where I'm generally pessimistic about life and if you think I'm mean to others imagine how mean my thoughts are about myself.

Problem about loving myself: I need to fulfill a concrete purpose to appreciate myself. Such as loving someone else.

I try to. There are moments where I love the people around me. But when it comes down to it, somehow there's a lack of effort on my part. It all feels so fake, so predictable, so "supposed-to-be". Like when you're playing a game and you get up to a certain point and then get game over you have to play the whole game over and you can't really be bothered because you really just wanna get to the part you messed up, so you play the beginning half-arsed and end up messing up over and over again on the stuff that was really easy the first time around. You following?

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy"

x

/E