Banthwerp

I had an amazing week.

I'll tell you guys all about it, but right now I'm in a really down mood.

Post EYP depression I guess.

Or maybe just realizing how much I missed my bathroom, with the lockable door and the shower that drowns out noise.

I loved the people I was around at the EYP. All of them, it's impossible to find better friends.

But for this particular post, being in the lonely mood I'm in, I'm gonna focus on one particular person and my incapability of not hurting him. You see, we hit it off great, and were already worried after two days that we'd miss each other when it was over. I even told him I liked him, in a very drunken state. Day three, halloween party, me+torn up zombie costume+alcohol+dance floor+boys who want me. He actually tried to take care of me when I was too drunk in his opinion. I suppose I was, in a way, trying to challenge him, making him a bit jealous and getting him to chase after me more, but the other boy wasn't really in on that plan and drunken me let him make out with me.

Conclusion: I always mess things up. I can't even handle being with the same person for seven fucking days. I don't deserve someone like him. A genuinely good guy, who almost had to push me off him repeatedly even though he was dying to rip my clothes off.

Self respect he said.

I wish I was strong enough to work towards that.

x

/E