Health of a designated student

Stressed out, over caffeinated, out of shape.

I used to have a life, now I have IB.

No time to work out today. No time to eat either. This way I'm gonna end up looking like santa by christmas.

I cannot express how anxious I feel about my current appearance. But I don't have time! I don't even have time to study. Why didn't I start sooner? Because "sooner" I was studying for something else.

why? You want to know why?

Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all, “a disappointment.” Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don’t want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop.

Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you.

“Why?” is the wrong question.

Ask “Why not?”

I love reading peoples blogs when reading something like this and feeling the shivers down your spine because the fact that you can relate to something so uncomfortable both terrifies and excites you.

x

/E