So here I am, in "my" room, where I havnt been since december. The mother kept asking me what it felt like to be back and I really did try to hint that I didnt want to talk but she kept on fucking insisting until I yelled at her and then she starts like my dad that I shoudlnt be disrespectful and I really do try not to be but she wasnt exactly respecting me either.
What does it feel like? I feel absolutely nothing. If I woke up tomorrow age 12 having to go to school I think I would be able to go about my day just as I did a million years ago. Its all gone, its not my room anymore, not my apartment with all the sounds the floor makes when you walk on it and the smell which used to make me feel at ease and not it just feels so... formal. Its not my world anymore, Im so much more ordinary somehow. I dont put on something glittery and hit the town, I stay in with track pants and a cup of tea.
Sometimes I want my other life. But it feels like I died and now I get to watch the world I lived in. The people are all the same but older and they are probably somewhere around but I cant reach them because theyve already all forgotten about me.
What am I supposed to feel? It was supposed to be temporary and I was supposed to live here now. But it didnt turn out that way and now it will never be.
x
/E
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