Monosaccharides

"The promise of your presence is vague consolation, though reality is so abandoned by blind faith"

I feel like I used to be better than I am now. But I guess it'll always be like that.

I read my old blog... which I locked, by the way, and only people I invite can read it. Nobody is invited, the one person I did allow to read it doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I left my bike in the city yesterday, so I'll probably walk to school. This sounds way worse than it is actually. 20 minutes walk into the city isn't bad at all. And I don't have to be there for an hour.

I just can't sleep in the morning. Yesterday I fell asleep on Lara, who I was texting with about seriously random things.

Back to the identity crisis. I wrote such beautiful things! And now I just jolt down my thoughts in any random form without even proofreading the spelling. The thing is, I grew up enough to feel stupid about it. That's the difference 14-17 I suppose, you get better at perspective, noticing when other people think you're being weird. Or maybe its just me who has become paranoid.

I'm quite good at reading people. I notice vibes, when something isn't quite right, when someone is saying something but want to say something else. I'm not saying that this is a good thing, in fact, not knowing can have advantages. If I didn't notice when I pissed someone off I could be much more selfish. People who are not selfish are boring, they have so much less individuality, or so Oscar Wilde reasoned. But I can also know what to say to make someone feel good about themselves. Not that I lie, just if I think something positive about someone, it's the difference between saying it and not saying it, and how I phrase it. "Nice necklace... but you can't pull off the beach boy look" would be an example. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about.

Quick shout-out to all the girls:

Keep in mind that he's hot, but he's a little girl on the inside. Seriously, you're too good for him. I used to be friends with him right, but the smallest thing will hurt his ego and he turns into the worst drama queen you've ever seen. At that point it's better if you don't give a shit. I don't want to be mean, but if you're too nice to him he'll become arrogant and if you're too mean it'll hurt his pride. So you're gona have to bend over backwards and constantly be on your toes to make him happy. And take it from me, it's not worth it (what does a big ego usually compensate for? Yeah, Im not gona say it).

x

/E