My obvious disguise

Lately I've been getting closer with my class, which is so incredibly awesome because I love the feeling of belonging and being able to talk to everyone in the room.

One of the boys, P.B., recently discovered that when he pokes me at the side of my stomach, I squeek. He said he finds it very uncharacteristic of me. I'm "always so confident" and suddenly I act all girly.

But I mean come on, seriously people, you think I'm confident? Even the drama teacher picked up on the fact that I really don't like making myself big, I don't take up space, I just hide with my whole body language. And yeah, I know boys want me and I bring that as an argument in every other conversation, and to a certain extent I find it funny to be perverted and test limits, but much of it is just an act. Sex is my one advantage and when I get desperate for someone to like me - I can't handle conflict - I put out. It's doesn't work, it's just automatic.

Sex is what I know, what I can do, what I'm good at (hehe), and I seek back to it when I don't know what to do.

It's my way of being a blowfish. I inflate myself with false dominance. I can't believe people don't see through it more often.

x

/E