Coping mechanisms

What I do when I don't want to deal with my feelings:

1. Eat

2. Starve

3. Fuck something

4. Yell at people

What I should do:

... I honestly don't know. Pop pills? I don't know what to do when I feel like that. It sneaks up on me, and suddenly I'm in the middle of some self-destructive way of coping and probably know what feeling it was that made me do that but in the moment I don't care.

How are you supposed to act rationally when you feel like nothing matters anymore...

I want to numben myself to a point where I truly don't care because starting to get things in order makes me pressure myself to be good, do stuff I should do, and it's like a constant voice in my head telling me to deal with stuff.

I can't sleep. If I relax I'll forget what I had to do.

x

/E