Just me being complicated

I can't believe how awkward I am with new people. Most of all, new groups of people. Because I get paranoid that they don't like me. And actually, in yesterdays case, the people who weren't new were the ones who gave up more neutral vibes. You know, the feeling someone gives off when they don't really care for having you there and they actually think it's kind of awkward that you are. It's like, stereotypically, when you go sit at the cool kids table at lunch. except I'd hardly describe this crowd as the cool kids.

I don't really understand it though. It's clear to me that L isn't my friend, somehow I blame this on T not liking me. I mean, that he's like influenced her or made her see the wrong side of me or something. And I don't really get it. I mean, okay, I have a tendency to hook up with his friends when I'm with them, but what else am I supposed to do? Watch him make out with L? ... Actually, I don't really wanna come out with them when I think about it.

Currently drinking happiness tea and hoping it will all just go away.

I hate having emotions. Can't think of a non-destructive way of making them go away.

x

/E