A trace of hope

I guess that's what M is to me. I don't like to say it like this because it sounds silly and everyone knows you're not supposed to plan your life around some guy who it probably won't work out with anyways - I'm no saying it wouldn't, I'm just generalizing - but if it wasn't for the thought of graduating so that I can move closer to him next year I would probably not put in half the effort that I do. The only little sprinkle of motivation I have is that there are not that many days left 'til I see him again. I keep thinking about kissing him, but I don't know if I'll dare doing that right away... partially because of my PDA issues, but also because I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands of him if I do. I'll just go with it, I suppose, but it's a nice thing to keep my mind occupied with.

I don't feel like I'm doing too well in school at the moment, but I always get that feeling between october and christmas. I just have to start going to all my classes, and I'll be fine. Tomorrow, 5 more days, a week with him, 5 more days, then it's christmas and I'm always half way through the last year. I have to pick out literature for my finals, and I guess part of the reason why I keep pushing it up is because I'm scared out of my mind of those exams, at the same time as I can't wait to get them over with.
I can't help but think about how amazingly well I'd do if I'd just gone to sweden in 8th grade. Now I'm just struggling to be average and my mistakes in french and spanish are different than the swiss kids' and sometimes the teachers don't understand me because my accent and way of expression is different.

Deep breaths, think about M, set the alarm an hour early to look over physics one more time tomorrow morning.

Just 8 more days. 6 more school days.