Just to let you know that it's gonna be alright, just me and you tonight

I was always a supposedly happy person. People would even point out how I was always walking around smiling. I was the kid who understood what other people were thinking more than any average adult, and impressed teachers with insight that was way beyond expected at that age. If I were to chose one really good thing about me, it's that I can find something good, something to like, in everyone, given I want to. I sometimes see it as if I'm drawn to slightly misunderstood or "undiscovered" people, because that way I can have everything amazing about them to myself. 

I sometimes get asked if I can love. I always rant about not believing in relationships etc., but that shouldn't be too read into. It's not that I don't love, it's that I love too much, and too quickly. I'm really scared to get attached to one single person, so it all kind of remains on the surface, so that I can replace people when they leave me. 

I just expect people to give up on me, which is usually the very reason they do. 

I sometimes think that I'm just too sick to love now. I don't want anyone to have to live with this, except for myself. The impulse I'm supposed to fight tells me to let it be, because I don't deserve better. 

But you know, good days and bad days. Today may not have been great, but.. I guess the only reason to hang on is the belief that one day, I will be fine. 

x

/E