I... I know.

It needs to stop. This awful tendency of regurgitating excessive amounts of food. Or well, not excessive to a normal person.
And I know it's bad, I didn't use to understand how bad it really is but I can feel it in my entire body, I feel heavy and drowsy and no matter how long I shower for I can't wash away the guilt. My stomach hurts as if it's going to break and my chest aches. The muscles in my back are strained. And all I see is fat.

I try to plan ahead, but at some point I just don't care anymore.
I'm so indifferent to everything.
Except to myself, theres some negative emotions there to add onto the indifference.

I need to get better, start to take care of myself.
I know I do.
I just can't honestly say that I want to.
If I truly wanted to I could have done it by now, couldn't I?

x
/E