17

I woke up wishing I was next to him. I'd cuddle up close and then we'd have sex and then we'd sip tea at the breakfast table and he'd talk about something I don't really care about and I'd just enjoy the company.
I think I enjoyed the company more than I actually enjoyed him.

Right now, it feels like all guys who have an interest in me are morons. Except M (if he even falls into that category anymore). He's the best.
M's away on work this weekend, and I was overwhelmed with a tremendous loneliness, until a friend called and asked to have lunch. I feel it's time that this friend gets a letter, he's "O" from now on. We've been hanging out, which I enjoy, I feel like we're equally lonely and hanging out like we did today, doing nothing and hardly even talking at times, is perfectly fine. We watched the Eurovision and gossiped about the contestants, and he only just went home now.

I asked one of my latest objects of affection to come over, but he was apparently tired. Pfft. But it was probably better that way, I'm tired too, and it's not really fair on anyone to try to fill an emotional void with sex.
So now I'm going to sleep, and then I'm going to shower and hope that the heartache washes off just as easily as the smell off cigarette smoke in my hair.