11

I went to the city where I'm attending university from August, and looked at some apartments. The plan is to rent a room in a shared apartment and I think I've decided who I want to live with. Provided they feel the same way, I'll be signing a contract soon. I'm gonna email the main tenant about it tomorrow.

On the train ride home, something happened. I remember a How I Met Your Mother episode where Ted talks about getting over someone. He says that you know you're over someone when you meet that person who puts you back in the game. I think I had my back-in-the-game-moment today. Sure, I've been hooking up in the past 3 weeks, but that doesn't count as actually "putting myself out there" to me, that's just messing around. So what happened was that I was sitting on the train, by the aisle, and diagonally from me, one row ahead, the cutest guy ever sat, facing my direction. We did the whole I glance at you then you glance at me and I look away dance, and even when I tried to look away, I was very aware of how he was sitting, whether he was looking at me, how badly I just wanted to pull my hands through his perfect, blonde locks and unbutton his perfectly fitting blue shirt and kiss his perfect, full lips. At one point I dared looking up at him, subconsciously licking my lips and biting my lower lip,  and he looked right back at me with his deep brown eyes, and I just kind of felt really shy and uncomfortable in a very promising way. When he got off the train, he walked past me, looked right at me, and smiled. I think I smiled back, I can't be sure, because just the way he was looking at me made me feel like my body was melting.
Suddenly, I was really looking forwards to going to uni and meeting lots of new guys who have the potential to be important to me.

I'm starting to get annoyed with myself for thinking about that guy who ditched me. "Will he text, won't he, when will he, why wouldn't he...". And at some point I'm just thinking "Enough!" because I'm tired of obsessing, and planning out different possibilities, and I'm so very tired of feeling like I'm the one who has to fix this. He messed up. It's his loss. I can not be bothered with this anymore. If he texts me, great, we'll meet up as we planned, but if he's too stubborn to get of his ass and show me he still cares, I'm not going to chase him. He's a good guy, and obviously I feel something for him or I wouldn't be thinking about him still, but after how confusingly he acted, it's really in his hands right now, and in the meantime, I'm not gonna be waiting by the phone.