15

I was out in the country side, and M was supposed to come there and spend the night, but when I called to ask when I should pick him up from the bus stop he canceled on me due to changed plans.
I ended up going to the city and went to him to watch the latest GoT episode together. Sure enough, he had plans with some girl today, and he'd apparently feel guilty spending the night with me and then going to see her. Ironically enough, that's exactly what happened though. And we didn't just sleep.
It was probably incredibly stupid of me but he seemed fine this morning and he knows this isn't turing into anything more, but we can't get away from the fact that casual hook-ups with an ex is stupid.
I'm not upset about the idea of him seeing someone else. I guess it was just him saying that she's prettier than me (yeah, he said that. I didn't ask, he just casually mentioned it) that made me really keen on making sure that I'm still his number one. I need to let go of that idea, though.
I read an article about using people emotionally and realised that I should be careful not to do that to M.
He's not there to reassure me and feed my ego.
I'm really happy that he's still in my life, though.
Once I'm all patched up and ready to have a normal-people relationship, maybe I can actually deserve someone as devoted as him.