Whenever I get a compliment about my body, I just scoff. Truth is I've gained 7 kg since january. Common comment on that is "Wtf.. where did that add on!? And how fucking thin were you before!?"
I liked the way I used to look. I felt sorry for the mother when she looked at me with a mixture of fear and pity in her eyes but somehow it made me feel satisfaction when I was told that I looked like I didn't quite fill out my clothes. And I wasn't even underweight.
So I'm gonna lose it again by the time school starts.
You don't want to know how little I'm comfortable with eating.
I hear people say like "I couldn't possibly eat that little" and I jus think shit.. I have to basically force myself to eat more. And okay, lately I've been replacing the ex with binge eating. I eat dough. Like, I mix butter with flour and sugar and eat it. EW. Just thinking about it makes my stomach clutch as if I want to force it back up, even though I haven't eaten anything bad today. And as much as I've been purging, it's started to become involenteer.. like, I can't keep food down whether I want to or not. So being scared that that'll get extreme, I'm not doing that anymore.
Just as long as I follow my plan, I'll do great. And come back to school in 6 weeks feeling good about myself.
x
/E
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