Addiction

"The more it hurts the more I need" So I went out with Lara last night, we had a bottle of something way too bleak to get me in a good mood, met up with a friend of hers (who Im really starting to like by the way. She used to date J too but like ages ago). I passed for 18 and experienced how cactae flavoured vodka is very drinkable. People were stunned me and Lara were even standing after that. And of course there was a boy. Yes, cruel to make out with someone new within a 12 hour time span after a breakup, but I mean, I wasn't the one breaking up, so I'm kindof acting hurt about it. Greatest excuse ever not to get into another one of those... whatchacallits... re-la-tion-ships. Shivers down my spine as I read that word. Love is Dead. Boys are cheats and liars... and so am I. So anyways, J Im sorry for writing mean things about you. I don't mean them. If you hadn't broken up with me Id have probably broken up with you next week... like you said, were too different, and Im not sure Im even capable of having a relationship. Im a horrible girlfriend. Once the sad stage of drunkedness kicked in me and Lara were on our way home. We cried about how love is inexistent and people dont get it. How life sucks and that were gona run away to australia, graduate and bake cakes forever. Yesterday R was there, and I thought Id at least say hi or something, and he told me, brace yourselves, to fuck off. In those words. Wow. Go Scruffy. At first I was surprised. Then angry. Then sad. Now Im impressed... and kindof turned on. But no, I wont go there. Just makes me wish he would have stood up against me while we still had a shot. In the words of Lara, first loves are forever. x /E