Inspire me

"Though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye one last time... we cant."

Goddamn it!

History today. And for a moment I felt really happy. It was because for a moment I lived in the past and imagined that R had class in the next room and that when the bell would ring Id go to him.

You know the feeling? When youre happy about something you dreamed or imagined? I hate that feeling. My phsycotwat tells me that I should do it more, trick myself into being happy by holding on to something that makes me feel good. But I cant, I hate giving myself false ideas, to me its the equivalent of getting my hopes up.

Maybe thats why Im so tense all the time, because I have to hold on to reality with all I have so I dont float off into my dreamworld.

I cant focus. At anything. Cant get anything done.

I want to snap out of it! I wanna stop feeling sorry for myself.

I want to fall in love with someone else, but Im so scared of not getting it in response. So Im all over the place.

Whatever.

x

/E