Drunk dial

"I may not have a clue and I may not have style, but everything I lack well I make up in denial"

So last weekend I spent in gampel, this outdoor festival, with the usual going-out gang. It was positively awesome! Panic at the train station (based on drug dogs and illegal substances), freaking out everyone at the train, the stupid plastic chickens that pissed everyone off, the tents that were saunas at day and freezers at night, burning each other with lighters, writing on each other with permanent markers (still got the "I love you" on my cleavage but the "I love you when youre drunk" on my thigh is gone at least;))

On the saturday I was pretty wasted.. okay I was constantly pretty wasted but I was wasted and lonely.. so I called R. I thought he wasnt going to pick up. I thought he was gonna ask what I wanted and then finish the call.

But he seemed genuinely happy that I called. We talked for like half an hour about how weve been doing. He asked if I had anyone, and I said no, and he doesnt either (is it okay for the cartoon me to dance around Lizzy-Mcguire-style at this point?).

I told him to get in touch if he wanted to meet up and he said hed think about it, but I doubt he will. Actually I dont know if he will, if he wants to he probably will, but he wont want me to think it means he wants me back. He said hed been thinking about me, you cant just forget about your gf of 1.5 years he used as an excuse.

Ill give it a few weeks. Not to seem like Im all desperate or anything. But I really liked talking to him, there wasnt any akward disapointment or anything, so sooner or later Ill probably call him and ask to meet up. Hes not leaving until october anyways.

Complete me,

mistreat me,

want you to be bad bad bad

if you could only read my mind...

But no, its not about wanting him.

Its about perspective.

I mean, I want to see him, and sure part of me is hoping that Ill get with him again, but its not like Ill want that if Im not sure itll work out. Im not hurting that much anymore and I dont feel like opening any wounds.

I just know that Im doing okay. I dont need him. He doesnt need me. Which is exactly why we just might get along again.

If we somewhere in the future do get together... there are so many things Ill do better. I know how to now.

x

/E