I've been reading some of my old blog posts and I feel like I used to be a lot deeper than I am now. I don't know if it's school that's moulded my writing abilities into producing nothing but essays according to the grading scheme, if I'm just too burned out to produce any complex thought and put it into writing, or if I'm maybe just not miserable enough to be creative.
"And I wished that our lives were just endless - you are the only thing that makes me feel like I can live forever... with you"
Still, I'm not entirely content, seeing as how the supposed love of my life is way too far away, especially considering that anywhere further away than embracing me is too far away.
I say supposed love of my life because I feel silly writing love of my life, considering I haven't lived that much of it yet, and I also haven't known him for any majority of my life up until this point. I really do love him, though. It's funny how, when you're with someone for real, you stop noticing other potential partners. Like, attractive men don't attract me anymore. I've adapted to the lifestyle of someone who is in a long-term, serious relationship, at least to the extent that I'm not tempted to get with someone else. Is that how you know you're in love? Or is that the sign that you've taken it a step further than love and actually accepted that person as a permanent part of your life, not just in an ideal life like in a day-dream, but in your ordinary, day-to-day life? I just know that, however much the longing might torture me now, in a few days I'll be with him again, and it'll be so worth it that I never want to stop missing him so painfully much when we're apart.
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