The way it never happens

I've been told that when you're in love with someone you don't want to be with anyone else. Not just that that person is your favourite person to be with, but that if you weren't with them, you wouldn't be with anyone else. 

Well, I used to think that I couldn't feel like that about anyone. And I mean, I've had great relationships, where we got together out of a series of fortunate circumstances, and where I, at times, had to actually try hard not to stray. But I've never felt that it's the one person or it's nothing. 

I used to wish to fall in love with someone like that. Now I've had a taste of it, and honestly, it fucking sucks. I don't ever want to feel this way again about anyone. It makes me so vulnerable and needy. 

I just want one of those romantic movie scenes in the rain where I tell him that since I got to know him, it hasn't felt right with anyone else, and allow myself to bring up all those emotions and tell him that I'm all his if he'll have me, and he won't be scared off at all, he will hug me and laugh because I'm shivering cold and he will tell me that he loved me all along and that he wants to be with me and only me. 

But that's not gonna happen. 

So I keep rolling forward with the emergency brake pulled, hoping that the pieces will all fall in the right places.