green-eyed

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you've probably figured out that I'm one of the most irrationally jealous people ever. Not that I'm worried that M will find anyone on the side, I mean that guy loves me so much sometimes I'm worried he'll actually melt when he looks at me. It's just me being annoying and not just being happy that an amazing guy is completely designated to me, but rather obsessing over how other people who I could have been with are happy with whoever they're with instead of me. 

I don't like that this guy I used to really like, who actually told me he loved me not even a year ago (granted, he was drunk-ish), is now super happy with someone else, who he might have even started seeing while I still had something going with him. He gradually stopped making time for me, which pissed me off because I didn't understand why, and a later theory was that he was already into that up-nosed little blonde thing then. And so, now I hate that he's with her because my paranoid mind gave me the impression that he ditched me for her and even though I've let go of the fact that they might have had something while I was into him, as I myself was seeing other people then too, I can't let go of the resentment of their happiness that that thought planted in me. 

So now, instead of cuddling with M on the last night that he's here, which is what I really want, I'm going to be pissed off and jealous about that. I just hate being female, there are too many fucked up emotions! ... I'll probably make another post on that sometime.